I’m doing this practice out of Issa’s request (click this to see his website). As explained in his article, there should be no punctuation in the narrative (150 words in my case, any more might be impractical). My aim, however, is to make this practical, so I’m not doing this for practice, but for testing. So, after pondering for a few days, I concluded that this kind of passage works best with a chaotic scene to deliver a comedy effect. This isn’t limited to comedy alone, though, as I’ve seen a passage like this in a certain dark fantasy book, and its purpose wasn’t comedy. As for my narrative, try to imagine a setting where a silent person suddenly goes ballistic because of accumulated irritation over time because of his/her jerk classmates.
“Shut up already I’m tired of you jerks ruining my day with your damn school drama that repeats itself on daily basis for no freaking reason and it’s not even funny in any god damn way it’s just pissing me off to no end and thanks to you I can’t even focus on my studies here at school for fuck sake please listen to yourselves you imbeciles you even sound like some apes or whatever I don’t care just quit behaving like drama queens argh I’m starting to get grey hairs because of you damn it damn it I’m so done with this BS I have to go through every day and with no end in sight gosh it can’t be that hard to shut the fuck up or do you want to sound like some monkeys and often even look like them jeez I’m going nuts if this keeps up so can you just please stop acting like idiots!?”
So, would you find a passage like this positive anyhow in fiction like YA? If not, then what makes it so horrible you can’t stand it? I’m doing this with an analysis in mind, so all the feedback is welcome.